When have I seen you lord?

In my dreams I can see a women, she is beautiful and she is kind. She smiles while she suffers, and she loves those who are not loved. She is vulnerable, but she is courageous. She puts her self last, but she is strong. But above all she is infectious and more than my desire for her is my desire to be like her. As I awake I am filled with joy but its only a passing sensation and soon I am haunted by her image...

I've lost the words that shouted victory in my heart

where have the words gone?

I'm on my knees

Lord of heaven and earth,

Father creator, 

Life sustainer,

All of all rest 

on the breath of your lips

Let us listen

Let us be still

Come Lord Jesus

Meet me where I am

please lord take my hand.

Your mighty palm takes mine and we walk together. You are leading me and in the distance I can smell the sweet aroma of my mother's garden.

Where are we going lord?

A king wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement a servant who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt. The servant fell on his knees before him. "Be patient with me," he begged, "and i will pay back everything." the servant's master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go."

I breath in and out as I picture the scene...

What forgiveness. How do I find a land like this? 

I tell you the truth unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of Heaven.

The words are beyond my mind, beyond my rationality.

But I can not be born again. How will I be born again Lord? 

With man it is impossible, but with God all things are possible.

But to be a child I will have nothing. You ask me to give everything?

I tell you the truth at the renewal of all things, when the son of man sits on his glorious throne you, who have followed me, will also sit on twelve thrones.

How will I know the way lord? Tell me where you are going so that I can follow.

I am the way! 

Listen I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me drink. You will see me many times and i will always be with you. The point is this; do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God with out fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe, as you hold out the word of life in order that you may boast on the day of christ that you did not run or labor for nothing, but even If you are being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, rejoice and be glad.

And again I say rejoice!

Yes lord, life, I want life!

my soul cries out and I reach for the father but his hand is beyond my grasp.

In latter days I will pour out my spirit on you... you will dream dreams my child...

I feel alone and his presence seems to dissipate. But as my eyes roam the surrounding landscape I see others looking to the sky in the place where you left. They are just standing,  just staring, and once again I am haunted by the image of a women I have not met...

How will I find you lord?

I must be still, I must keep quiet, let the spirit fall upon me. A breath in and a breath out. Come lord Jesus.

I want to know you as I am known. I want to see your face with out the hindrance of my eyes. Come peace, come wholeness. Again I say Shalom. 

I am in my body but it is not the focus of my concern, let my eyes rest upon Jesus, in him all things hold together. Peace be still. Peace be still.

I cannot learn my meaning it can only be found in living, so I must move beyond the filters of  understanding, I must move into the nearness of God. At the Crossroads of man and God now stand. Here I hang my self suspended with you in service to others. Come Jesus.

Come holy spirit as I step into faith that is blind. Provide in the dark unknown, and because your work is beyond my understanding I expect miraculous signs and powerful movings of your will, as in the blindness of faith it is the milk that keeps me strong. 

Now I can hear your call.

These are the words that lead me out.... love, there is no greater love than this...

How will I find you lord? What must I pray?

.....that love may abound more and more in depth of insight so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness  that comes through Jesus christ to the glory and praise of God.      -Phil 1:9

Rest your eyes upon Jesus

look full on his wonderful face

and the things of self will grow strangely dim

in the light of his mercy and grace

Let you kingdom come

 let you will be done

In my self as it is with you