Breaking Bread

No longer do I desire to consume anything.

I will not buy the lie, I will not follow death and all of his friends, will not be an observer of the circle of death. I will be moved by nothing but my lord.

For his love has conquered the grave. Death has no hold of my life.  I trust and move boldly now into the new creation.

One in which life does not depend on the death of others in an endless cycle. One death for all deaths that the old might pass. Now those that "eat my flesh and drink my blood" are remnants to continue on as the NEW comes to be. Slowly but surely comes to be.

Once Life was my god, and fear drove me towards you lord but now I understand your words. If I had been satisfied in finding life surely I would have died, but now in the presence of your love you are my God and I will lay down my life.

In hopes of gaining you.

YHWH I call on the name of the Lord! YHWH!

Lord, my love....

I'm going to go to work now....

How long?

How long oh lord?

I'm sitting now, I am waiting now. How Long?

I am only breathing now, only breathing now. How long?

I know you are with me. I feel your presence. We abide, we are one. How long?

But Shalom my lord, my heart cries out for all of all to be brought to one. As you are one let us be one as well. How long?

Stillness pervades my mind. My thoughts are stopped at the point of mystery and fall into a state of foggy meditation among living words that communicate to my deepest self in inexegetical language. How long?

I can only listen, and the only thing you seem to do is swell like the ocean waves. It feels like rest, it feels like peace, like sabbath. Doing and moving working and choosing seem like echoes of a dream. Rest is so present it is all there is. One continuous moment of contented motionless existence. How long?

Did I dream your power? Did I image your desires? They seem at the side, put to rest on the wood stove of a cold winters night. A feeling like snow falling, an unchangeable season blisters by in the cold out doors while my spirit seems curled up with you aside the warm fires of patient contentment rot of the wisdom that knows the inevitability of seasons changing and hours enduring and even living in joy of what must be before it can be summer again. How long?

I wait, I submit to the power of this rest. I slip deeper into the calm of its trance and again as I fall into the quiet abounding my last words are how long? How long must i sing this song....

..........................

Love

I've done enough complaining to last a life time.

 I've done enough understanding and re-understanding and not-understanding to fill and reverse the pull of a black hole to a state of emptiness.

In the end it always comes back to this...

Love.

Its truest form is so beyond me that its on me, in me, around me, and with me. 

Even then terms like beyond, in, around, on, and with don't really matter.

The love that I feel is so real, so essential that you wont even know its there unless you weren't.

But its so real it speaks to me that its more than a verb.

Proper doesn't even apply to the formality of this noun, and even then I'm missing the point again.

I cant even say the words that fit or describe but that doesn't matter here either.

Its almost like I need a different tongue. 

I need words that speak themselves.

I need words that groan.

I need words that create meaning as much as they stand for it.

I lack nothing.

Here with Love.

Like trying to stretch out my roots into what they're already founded in.

Like turning to kiss a lover who's already kissing me.

Like wanting something I already have, no matter how many times I pursue it as something else.

Like needing to be wanted but already found.

There is no feeling like this, its not a feeling at all its............

Indescribable

It can only really be believed in.

It can only really be trusted.

I cant see it to trust it, cant touch it or hear it or taste it on my accord.

No.

All of those things come from it.

The only way is faith.

Not simply belief. What I can choose to think or choose as my reality seems irrelevant.

What I'm experiencing goes so far beyond the mind or the heart.

It cant be reasoned, bought, taught, understood or gambled with. 

What I'm feeling, although their is no word for it

Is............

Matthew 12: 18

Praise God from whom all blessings flow praise him all creatures here below praise him above yea heavenly host praise him: Father Son and Holy Ghost.

Amen