Sigh

The quiet stillness of exceeding calm, like the ambiance of a diminished storm in may, fills my heart with subtle exhalations of release, and then, then I feel nothing. Nothing but still, proceeding the quake when all is in its place, resting as if the giant tons of moving earth had never been in tension at all, as if the hordes of molten magma had never heated to the soaring heights scarcely imaginable to an unperceiving eye. Like the waves have ceased and glass waxes still the once turbulent waters, like phantom crackles of thunder faintly rumbling in the distant memories of my searching ears.

sigh

I breath in slowly to see if the relief is real

sigh

the world has stopped

and yet, it is finally within my sight.

Groan

Waiting,

Waiting, with patience

for the flood to come

for the sands of the sea and the stars of the sky

for milk and honey from the hand on high

Waiting, for home

Waiting, waiting for the corner stone

for the lasting city

for the second world

for the river life

and salvation unfurled

Waiting, for a king

and longing for the end of waiting

waiting redeemed

It Hurts

Satan circles around my back side and says: "it hurts don't it?"

"yeah." I reply, clutching the place just above my stomach. "but its growing me...."

...silence...

Satan ponders for a moment and then speaks again: "Hurts though, right?"

I look to the ground and study it intently

waiting for the image of the Lord's feet to appear.

"I love the bride..." I say "we hurt until he comes for us..."

Looking back to the floor I see him sitting in front of me

and I wash him in my affections.

"But, it hurts." says devil man.

I nod my head 'yes' and I look up,

Another guest is walking into the restaurant.

Its a customer I haven't seen in along time, an Indian man.

I reach out my hand and we shake warmly.

I love him, and for a moment, I know I've seen the lord.

"It hurts because the old is sifting away...." I say heading back to the kitchen.

"I don't have to understand it to know it..."

Let it be

Release.

Oh my soul, release.

Loose the hands that hold his plans

and release.

Receive.

Open oh heart, and be.

Be one,

thy stream come in and run.

Let goodness come

until we are one

let rest be done
of all the works my hands have rung

now come
let it be

Free

I am free, lord. Take the slavery from my heart.

I am yours, lord. Fill the warmth in my love.

I am complete, lord. Take the striving from my hands.

I am humble, lord. You make every good plan.

You are all, lord. Make me one in your arms.

You are light, lord. Take the dark from my mind.

You are love, lord. Take my will and my time.

You are the truth, lord. You are the way.

I am the dust, the potter's red clay.

Who ever gives you a drink

"Who ever gives YOU a cup of water to drink because of your name as followers of Christ, truly I say to you, he will not loose his reward." Mark 9:41

He turns the world, he shakes everything that can be shaken. Lord shake us. Shake us and bend us to drink from the stranger, spill us out until salvation rolls like water over the mountains.

Set salvation free

Return to an old friend

I saw Dan under the bridge yesterday, and all of a sudden I was reminded of the first time I met him. "Good things take time, good things come with patience." He would know, life or death Dan waits for what ever comes. There's just no rush. I'm trying to eat these words right now. I'm trying to digest the fullness of the virtue taught best by a homeless man.

Meekness. Not shy, though shyness certainly comes with it at times, but rather one who waits faithfully. Meekness knows that provision is more than what you can get for yourself, because some times what you want can only be given. Love, peace, grace, mercy. Ask the lord of the harvest therefore to send his workers. Give away what you want and all shall be given to you. Amen.

Back to listening

The savior reaches out his arms, and places his hands on my shoulders. I'm not looking at his face, but I know he is smiling. His hand moves to my ribs and then to my back, as if to dance with me. He is silent, and keeps looking to the distance. He's not looking for something, but he sees. At this time I notice his beard, and the profile of his face. With the other hand he shows me the way, and we are side by side. It feels like home, or something very full.

He says: "speak the truth"

Write it on me

You write every story. Every story is yours. Write your story on me. Through me write your love song to the world. May my life be worship, may me heart be worship.

Sin is Hungry

Sin looks to consume you, and it will hunger for your life as long as you live. Its like a predator laying in wait for a moment to strike. It will lure you with desire until it has grown to maturity, and when it has consumed you you will die. That's pretty obvious though isn't it? When a beast consumes you, then you die. I would be dead too, if a lion consumed me; so it is with sin, its design is to kill us. These three are our true enemies: temptation, sin and death, and the three of them are allies. They are a house of evil that stand together. None of them are of the lord, and in the end they will pass away to be blotted out from our very memories forever and ever. Praise be to the king of kings.

The kingdom of God is like a war; God is the army saving us from captivity, and the walls of our prison are temptation, sin, and death. They separate us from him. And its a well defended fortress with centuries of ancestral sin as its guards, except the archers do not aim out at God, whom can not be defeated. The archers fire inward at us; keeping us stolen by fear and shame. The foundation is sin and the mortar is desire but the wall is death. The crowning architectural achievement of the enemy is this wall of death; for Satan could not have made it himself. The enemy is not a child made in the image of God, and therefore he can not create things. Only creators can create and so he must use us to construct our own prisons. This is why Satan is the tempter; he provides us with the materials needed for his designs; this is temptation. Like an evil blueprint for death we look over it and make plans to destroy ourselves. Sin is the work of our hands and the finished product is death. Satan makes death through us by tempting us to sin; it is for this reason that sin's main goal for all times is to bring about death on the children of God. How then are we saved from this horrible cycle? The army of the lord bashes down the wall of death and then he turns our tools to good. Instead if building up the wall we are trained to tare it down. We are given the tools of deconstruction, dispossession, selflessness, and love.

Death is a force but God's love is demanding as the grave. On the third day Jesus rose to life and tore down the wall. Death could not hold him from God's love. Now sin is like a starving bear searching for a soul to eat, but death has been turned against it. One died for all so all have died. To take up your cross is to die to yourself, and dying to your self is the end of Sin. Who have rest from sin? The dead. So we who are living give our selves over to death that sin might be swallowed up in victory, starved and abandoned. Sin's goal is now our greatest weapon. Now only temptation remains; Satan's last foot hold. Cling fast to the holy spirit. Those who are led by the spirit find the path to life, and it is a guide to all truth.

So put to death the old self and be born again, not of natural descent, nor of human decision, or a husbands will, but born of God; and God is spirit.

Sin is hungry but among the camp of God's people it only finds the food we give it.

The Path Goes Ever On and On

I've found a companion on this journey. In truth there are many, but this new one is so very appropriate. "God sent" is the most accurate word, and I think he might say that's exactly the point, if he were alive. In my quest to Seek the Other, the life of Thomas Merton is exemplary, and so too his writings. Most especially the collection entitled "Seeds of Contemplation" Seeds indeed! A potential harvest of life changing meditations. His journey, more than most, is founded at the heart of seeking the other. Looking back on where I've been this last two years I can see we were meant for each other. He is my guide or my predecessor, which ever is less idolatrous. Or maybe I should say he has taken a very direct route of the narrow path, and made deep its groves and foot falls.

In any case it is like the word in flesh once again when I read his work. The man himself is a redemptive case, like us all, I have no doubt. My point is not to set him further apart, he would not appreciate that very much. He has run the race though, and done it recently. The text is brought to life for me. The words of Jesus are accessible to my heart in a way that bypasses the filters of my mind, and the mind can be such a hindrance. The layers of time must be pealed back by an incarnation of the Lord's work, displayed in his people. This is done by his holy spirit and so my confession today is confidence in Jesus' promise. The spirit of truth is a guide, a councilor to truth. One we could not go with out. The councilor leads us into all of God's will, and that is the revelation at which I have arrived recently. We, us, ourselves cannot lead our selves in the perfect will of the father. His will for us has nothing to do with us. This is the edge of a great mystery. One revealed in Christ and made as promise in his resurrection. He bares testimony of the fathers will: to keep your life is to loose it and laying it down is to gain it, and this is all proved, as Paul would say, in the fact that he was raised from the dead. Acts Chapter 17.

I've been sick this week, but I have not been in lack. I have found that suffering can lead us so very deep along this road. High and wide, deep and far. It is the path to love. Let me explain. If you've ever done work, used your energy to accomplish something worth while you should know that it requires strain to do so. Suffering is very different from misery in this way. You know its misery if you're not getting anything out of it. When suffering occurs you've done some work. In misery there is no purpose. Suffering is purpose, or it has it in the lord. Nothing of value can be gained with out an exertion of the self anyways. In exertion the self must be put to the side, and pain endured for the creation of something new. Thomas puts it this way:

"In order to become myself I must cease to be what I always thought I wanted to be,

and in order to find myself I must go outside myself, and in order to live I have to die."

Every moment in life, pleasant or not is an opportunity to take in a seed of truth that is in part a piece of the father's self. For he has given himself to us by displaying it in all of creation (Romans 1:20)

The baring of our crosses is the path Jesus has laid before us, to save us from our selves and the unreality of a life centered around self. It is similar to his commandment: Love each other as I have loved you. For there is no greater love than this: to lay down your life for your friends." in order to abide in him and him we must not abide in us. When this happens he abides in us and his love is made a house and temple in our hearts. The living God with in a humble chamber, broken and fallen. This is the redemption of our bodies. God's temple has no room for anything else but he himself. At first thought this suffering sounds like a burden, but this is not true for Jesus yoke is easy and his burden well you know. The truth is, as far as I can explain it, love is a selfless cause that requires work, a work that is not so hard when we get outside ourselves. This is the grace of suffering: it gets you outside yourself, or it should. Anything else is misery. God is love, and love is his command. In it we abide and he remains. Ever giving, but ever receiving and all from the other to the other, who in the end is God. This is the design of the trinity.

Please join me, reap a harvest in love this day.

Ps: thanks mom this book is soo good.